Blogging and Hyperemesis Gravidarum Don't Mix

My last post was on Christmas Eve.  

I wrote: "I would have been full term on Christmas (37 weeks), but I experienced my 3rd miscarriage in June. I prayed that we would be able to make a Christmas announcement this year and surprise everyone, but that isn't going to happen because I am not pregnant."

Christmas Eve, I had a negative HPT (home pregnancy test).  I was only 12 days past ovulation (DPO) or 2 days before my missed period, so there was around a 20% chance that it was a false negative.  

Three days later, when Aunt Flo had failed to arrive, I took another HPT -- still negative. 

When Aunt Flo had still failed to arrive three days later, on New Years Eve -- I thought I should probably test again.  I didn't want to risk the glass of champagne without confirming what I already knew [that I was definitely NOT pregnant.]  

Stephen and I were shocked when the results came back positive, 2-3 weeks.

The first words out of my mouth were "Here we go again."  We were visiting family, and shared the news with everyone immediately. We were all cautiously excited, if there is such a thing. Should we dare to get our hopes up, again?

The positive pregnancy test explained why I was feeling so miserable. What we had thought was a flare up of Gastroparesis, was actually diagnosed as Hyperemesis Gravidarum at my first prenatal appointment.

As if recurrent pregnancy loss wasn't already overshadowing the joy of our pregnancy, Hyperemesis Gravidarum just made it worse.  Within the first 8 weeks, I had lost 12 lbs.  I could not hold anything down. I could not get out of bed without vomiting despite a pharmaceutical cocktail of Pyrodixine & B6, Zofran, and Phenergan.  I was so ill, Stephen had to help me shower.  I was out of good veins for IV fluids in the ER -- my wrists and hands bruised. I was miserable. I desperately wanted my pregnancy, but at the same time wished I was dead.

I am NOT new to the world of nausea/vomiting. I live with it daily due to my Gastroparesis, but Hyperemesis was a totally new experience.  If there was a scale for nausea, I was at a 10+ all day, every day...add to that the anxiety I felt trying to nourish the life inside me, and taking Class B and Class C medications to keep us both alive.

We had hoped that it would all be worth it, and we would be holding a baby in September after years of infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, but we experienced a missed miscarried at 10 weeks.

I had fully intended to start the new year out with all sorts of blogs about chronic illness, organization, etc. Yet Hyperemesis Gravidarum was against me.  For a person who is "chronically organized", my home and my life were in complete chaos these past few months. The proof is in these pictures:

This past month I have been trying to gain some sense of control in the aftermath following my 4th miscarriage, and I hope to be blogging more in the upcoming months.